Anyone who’s had a mentor knows how transformative that relationship can be. Whether it’s personal or professional, having that genuine connection with someone who can offer guidance and share their experiences is truly special- but it doesn’t always come easily.
At SOS Outreach, we believe the mountains are the perfect classroom for mentorship and personal growth. The chairlift provides an ideal space for real conversations to happen naturally. Instead of a traditional one-on-one mentor-mentee set-up, we pair each mentor with 3-5 mentees. This peer dynamic helps youth feel more comfortable as they get to know their mentor. After all, it’s a lot easier to connect and share when you’re laughing, having fun, and enjoying an experience together.
Still, building trust and a genuine connection takes time. We spoke with one of our seasoned mentors, Ian, on what he did to break the ice with one of his mentees who he has now been grouped with for five years.
“Gerardo was very shy and quiet in the beginning,” shared Ian. “I honestly felt that I was never going to break the ice. It’s crazy how much kids can grow in a few years though. Now, as a sophomore he’s texting me to ask questions and has listed me as his reference on job applications. I’ve seen him really start focusing on school and sports more and develop more confidence. He’s really starting to think about what’s next, which is cool. For other mentors, be patient, it takes time to form that bond.”
Here is some advice from Ian on how to develop the relationship:
- Show up. Consistency is key and missing activities sets a bad precedent. As a mentor, you are the constant in a young person’s ever-evolving life. It’s not just about showing up, it’s about being there for your mentee through the ups and the downs.
- Give them space to be themselves. Let the relationship grow organically and don’t rush into serious conversations. They will communicate when and how it’s most comfortable for them. I ask them to be present and not on their phones, but I try not to incorporate a lot of rules. Life has enough rules to follow, make your time together fun.
- Ask open-ended questions. Stay away from questions that require yes/no answers. Let them talk and, most importantly, LISTEN. Share your answers to those as questions as well to help them get to know you better.
- Find 1:1 time. While it’s nice to be in a group when you are riding, it’s that 1:1 time when they will open up more and share challenges they need help working through. My favorite moments are from some of those chairlift conversations when they’ve come to me for advice.
“It’s funny, people always say ‘Wow, that is so great you are really making an impact.’ But, the truth is, they are making an impact on me. It’s completely reciprocal. I’ve now recruited a bunch of friends and co-workers to get involved just by sharing my story.”
We also asked Gerardo, Ian’s mentee, what he did to build the relationship. “Ian has always helped me grow. He pays close attention to what I am doing and is someone I can trust. He has always tried to get to know me better by asking about my hobbies and interests, I would encourage other mentors to do the same.”
Listen to another story on mentorship from SOS and an expert on youth development: (Spotify, or here)
